everyone has, at one time or another, a darkness in their life. sometimes it's a controlled darkness that can be turned on and off like a light switch. other times, it is constantly there, surrounding and engulfing us until we can no longer see any light. it is in those times when we feel like we are drowning in darkness that we question whether or not God is there with us. God says that he is light, but if we are completely covered in darkness, doesn't that mean he is not there with us?


my darkness is light to God. no matter how engulfed in my darkness i may think i am, light is always lingering. darkness cannot win over light. even the smallest of lights can penetrate the darkest of rooms.


this painting is, in my mind, a representation of God's light in the midst of my darkness. he is not only present, but his light is engulfing my darkness like flames engulf the dry land. imagine what our lives would be like if we perceived God as a great fire that seeks to break down any darkness that we might have. we would no longer have to wallow in our darkness, but we would be able to see the light in the darkness and be excited about life.

these days i've been spending most of my time in a starbucks. i do this not just because i recently got the starbucks gold card and i am trying to take advantage of the $25, but i am able to get a lot of stuff done when i'm sitting in one for a couple of hours. even as i am writing this, i'm inside a starbucks, drinking my americano.

several times now i have seen people in here with their sketchbooks and pencils, sketching away. it made me think... how come i never do that? i call myself an artist, yet it isn't a daily part of my life. i rarely find the time to even open by sketchbook.

then i came to a sad realization. God has created me to draw, to paint, to capture the very things that he has created for us to enjoy because so few of us stop to notice. yet, i have taken this gift for granted. i have played it down, saying that it isn't a gift, that it's not good enough. by telling myself that it's not something that i was created to do, what am i saying to God? "God, i think you made a mistake. you forgot to complete me. you gave me only partial gifts..." do i really believe that to be true?

no. i believe that God does not make mistakes. he is a God who has a purpose for all things. i believe that he has created me with just the right amount of talent and just the right amount of passion for art. i believe that i turned out just the way he wanted me to.

i believe.... but help my unbelief.

i have never thought of myself to be one who is confident and sure of what my identity is. it never crossed my mind to think that anyone would see qualities in me that they admire or even want for themselves.

the other day, i was having dinner with a friend of mine and she mentioned that i seemed like a person who knew what i liked or disliked and wouldn't let the opinions of others change my own. the funny thing is, before college, i was the exact opposite. i wasn't in touch with my own thoughts on things so my time was spent keeping my opinionated friends happy by agreeing with them.

so what happened?

last year, i studied the book of genesis with intervarsity and one of the things i learned was that God meant for me to turn out the way i did. he put certain passions and thoughts in me that aren't in anyone else. he designed me to love certain things and dislike others. by just conforming myself to the opinions of the people around me, i was hiding from the world what God intended for me to be.

i know that there are some things in this world that are universal, things that characterizes God himself and is in all of us since we are created in his image. things like seeking justice and loving others. but i also know that for some things, God gave us the freedom to decide for ourselves whether or not we like it. and for that, i am grateful because it makes conversing with friends that much more interesting. i don't want people around me to just agree with me just because i think that means they like me. their differing opinions should not become barriers to our friendship. rather, we should welcome fresh perspectives because it will open our eyes to something we have never considered before.